In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
