After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
