I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
