Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
