I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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