is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
