besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
