Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
