yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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