what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
