Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
