Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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