who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
