Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
