its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
