My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
