Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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