You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
