Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
