im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
