I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
