New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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