I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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