Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
