She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
