wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk is not a location!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
