so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
