Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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