My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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