this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i think i just naturally attract stoners
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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