Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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