Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
