So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
