Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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