so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
