In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
