when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
