Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
