I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
