I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
