I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
