you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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