it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I faked an abortion last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
