Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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