I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
