Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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