I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
