was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
