Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
