everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
