there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hippo gnu deer
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
