i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
