apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
