I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
